


To every thing there is a season

by Small_bump



Series: With every season we grow [1]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Aaron needs time to heal, Canon Divergence - Post birth, M/M, Picnics, Robert centric, Robert tries to parent, Self-Worth Issues, Single Parent Plot, Slow Build, Slow Burn, The Sugden's come together as a family, mentions of Sarah Sugden's cancer, parenting struggles, sorting out this mess of a sl, they basically both need hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-06 18:50:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11606784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Small_bump/pseuds/Small_bump
Summary: Robert’s tired. There’s no other way to describe it, his just tired. Even his bones feel heavy. It doesn’t help, that everyone around him keeps telling him; it’s going to get better.(Canon-Divergent Single Parent, slow burn.)





	To every thing there is a season

**Author's Note:**

> So here it is guys! I'm super excited to share, my newest fic with you guys, I'm kinda in love with it! This is, in a lot of ways how I'd love for the storyline to go, if the baby turns out to be Robert's.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

 

 

> **Winter.**

 

Robert’s tired. There’s no other way to describe it, his just _tired._ Even his bones feel heavy. It doesn’t help, that everyone around him keeps telling him; it’s going to get better.

Eliot will settle down.

Robert will find his rhythm.

It won't always be this hard. But it _is._ It’s the sort of feeling that makes him ashamed, stomach in knots, unable to sleep even when Elliot isn’t screaming the apartment down. His ashamed at the regret he feels, it sits at the base of his stomach, bouncing against the walls of his skull. _He's made a mistake._

He can’t do this. Diane says, he just needs to time. But Robert is sick, of waiting, he wants an instant fix—but there isn’t one. He’s at his wit's end, his never going to be able to do this right. He’s never going to be able to do this alone.

It’s a tragedy, _it is._ Robert says as much at the funeral, knowing there was nothing he could say to console her. He had never particularly liked Lawrence, and Robert was more than aware that the feeling was mutual. But he was her _dad,_ and Robert knows first hand what it’s like to lose a father—Elliot’s lost his grandfather too, and whatever Robert could say about him, Lawrence White would go to hell and back for his family. So Robert had mourned, mourned the relationship his son could have had.

Robert does that a lot, think about the relationships Elliot _could have had._ It doesn’t help, if anything it makes things worse, but Robert can’t help but torture himself, it’s what his best at.

Rebecca had told him she was leaving at the funeral. Chrissie was inconsolable, Robert had remembered her sitting at the front of the church, permanent set of tear tracks down her face. She was mourning two losses, beating herself, when even Robert knows it wasn’t _her_ fault.

Robert understood, _but Elliot._ He was still in the hospital, not due to be released home for another week, he _couldn’t_ travel. He deserved a stable home. As much, as he was afraid of tipping Rebecca over the edge, well aware of her fragility, Elliot had to come first. He was the only _thing_ Robert had left.

To his surprise Rebecca had agreed, she’d actually agreed with _him_. For better or worse, she’d left her little boy with him, _their_ little boy. At the time, all Robert could think about was not losing Elliot, but nearly a month and a half on; he honestly doesn’t know what he was thinking.

Elliot felt like shackles, tying him down. It’s not normal; Robert shouldn’t feel this way about his own child, even if it was one he hadn’t originally wanted. Elliot was here now, he deserved Robert’s best, and he just _couldn’t._ He’d made a mistake, and there was no going back now.

 

 

-

 

 

“I can’t believe she just upped and abandoned him.”

“Hardly abandonment, she left him with the dad.”

“Come off it, this is Robert Sugden we’re talking about, hardly the _maternal_ type.”

Robert clears his throat, he's stood at the entrance to David’s shop, hands tightening around the handles of the pram. It’s been a _month,_ more so than that now, and they're still gossiping. It makes him regret venturing out for milk, no matter how needed it was—perhaps he should start ordering his shopping online, save him the aggro, of having to hear his character assassinated. He’d have thought by now, he’d have been used to it, but it still cuts the same.

Diane had said he’d been a bit more sensitive than usual lately, but she can try having a screaming baby, who wants _his mum._ He certainly doesn’t want Robert. It’s happened on more than one occasion, where he’d had to phone Victoria in the middle of the night because he just won’t _stop._ And Robert was worried; he was going to hurt himself.    

_Babies cry,_ she had said. Not like this, not constantly, not with so much ferocity.

_He doesn’t want me Vic,_ was his reply.

_Of course, he does, you’re his dad._

He was, and it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t _enough._

“Listen, Robert, we’re—” Tracy starts, her flushed cheeks giving away her embarrassment.

“Save it,” Robert says sharply. He hasn’t got the energy to be civil, “I just needed a pint of milk, and I’ll be on my way, then you lot can go back to gossiping about me behind my back.”

Elliot gargles, that sound, well any sound his son makes. Calms him, even if slightly in this situation. He looks down, into the pram. Elliot’s swaddled, Robert having triple checked that he was warm before leaving the house. He wasn’t going to get sick because Robert had been careless. He's wearing a hat in the shape of a bear, one of the many purchases Victoria had made after his birth.

He’s looking up at Robert, and he wonders if Elliot knows who he is. His heard of the connection between a mother and baby, of course, there was, Rebecca had carried him for seven months. There had to have been an instant bond. But it’s different for him, _or any father_ he assumes. Realistically he knows Elliot and him have bonded, Robert was the one who had brought him home. Laid beside him in bed and watched him sleep, gave him his first bath—but did he know? Did he know Robert was his dad?

Did it matter? Robert’s ashamed to admit it does. He wishes it didn’t, wants to beat the feeling with a bat till it’s dead. Till he can move on, and just enjoy being a new parent.

_Just enjoy it pet; being a parent is the best feeling there is._

He wants to, but that feeling of regret sits in his stomach, follows him wherever he goes, he just can’t shake it.

Calmly, he pushes the pram over to the shelves, grabbing a carton of milk, and heading to the counter. He pay's in silence, four pairs of eyes on him as he does so. The cold air hits when he leaves the shop, but Robert’s never been more grateful, to be outside, to be away from _them._

As he walks to Diane’s, he catches Aaron walking out of the pub, Adam flanked at his side.

As usual, those two were glued to each other, especially since Adam had moved into the Mill towards the end of summer. Robert tries to fight down the bitterness he feels at the thought of the three of them living in the cottage.

_Happy._

He doesn’t stop or even pass a glance in Aaron’s direction, just continues to push the pram down the road.

He only speeds up, because of the cold.   

 

 

-

 

 

Robert places the last gift underneath the tree, sitting down on the floor, with his back resting against the table. Elliot’s sleeping, Robert just having put him down for a nap after his morning feed. Robert never thought the sight of a sleeping infant could make fill him with joy, but just being able to actually get some work done, even something as simple as reading through a contract, just felt so _good._

It felt normal—having Elliot, just didn’t feel normal yet. He’d helped take care of Liv, but that was _different._ It’s harder; Robert didn’t think that was possible. He’d thought teenagers, were the holy grail of difficult parenting, but yeah this was _worse._ Elliot was this _person—_ this tiny person, who relied on him for everything, needed him in a way no one has ever needed Robert before and it’s daunting, and often feels too much.

He looks up at the tree, lights that Victoria had hung earlier in the month, slowly changing colour. It was hardly traditional, but Elliot had seemed to be assumed by it, so he counted it as a win.

When Chrissie and Rebecca had left town, Robert had taken up residence at Jacob’s fold. It had actually been Chrissie’s idea, and Robert was more than a little stunned at the suggestion. It wasn’t that Victoria hadn’t offered Robert to move in, but he needed _space._ If Robert was going to do this, if he was going to take this on, it needed to be on his own terms. He wasn’t sure his sister quite understood, but she had respected his decision.

Eric, on the other hand, had been apprehensive. Not a huge fan of Chrissie handing over her keys to him without so much as a conversation before hand, but a quick telling off from Diane put out any problems before they started.

It’s Christmas tomorrow, Elliot’s first.

Everything was just so _different._ Last year, Robert spent Christmas with the Dingles; he was engaged, on top of the world. Aaron hadn’t beaten up Kasim yet, hadn’t be sentenced to twelve months in prison. Robert hadn’t cheated on him and ruined it _all._

It had been the first Christmas since his mother had died, where he felt _happy._ He was finally in a good place, comfortable in his own skin, ring still securely on his finger. When he’d taken it off, pulled it from his finger and put it away for safe keeping, to _remember._ It had felt like the sky was falling, maybe it still is.

Robert has Elliot now. Between all of them combined, Elliot’s definitely got at _least_ forty gifts. Him and Victoria might have gone a little overboard at the shop, but most of it was stuff he needs, and the _rest,_ well if he couldn’t spoil his kid then what the hell was the point?

He tries to put last Christmas into the back of his mind because it’s the here and now that’s important. He couldn’t do anything about him and Aaron—he’d tried. Held on for as long as he possibly could but Robert knows when to quit, he didn’t want to, walking away had nearly killed him, but he _knows._

Robert had to let Aaron go because he _loved_ him. With every fibre of his being, but he wasn’t what Aaron needed anymore, and Aaron being happy. Well, he wanted that, he wanted that more than most things so he’d taken a step back. Stopped fighting, and let Aaron heal. Because Robert knows that if anything were to ever happen between them again, it would be Aaron to make the first move. He knows how Robert feels, how his always going to feel, and the ball was firmly in his court. That was just going to have to be enough for now.

There’s a cry through the baby monitor, sat on the shelf above him. That nap didn’t last long then. Robert picks himself up and heads down the hall into the nursery. In the beginning, Robert had Elliot sleeping on the bed with him. Trained himself not to kick in his sleep, he just wanted him close. But now he spends most nights in the nursery, or in Robert’s arms.

Gently he scopes Elliot up into his arms. Placing the infant on his chest, pacing back and forth. Elliot likes when he walks around the room, he’s sure he’d read on some parenting site that calm movements, along with listening to a parent’s heartbeat, can soothe a child. Robert’s done his research, but it never feels like enough.

“I don’t know if I can do this El,” he whispers, stopping outside the window. He spots Jai walking down the street, Eliza in his arms. “I bet he’d know what to do. Anyone would, but not me. I’m useless, I don’t know how to give you what you need.”

When he looks down, Elliot’s sound a sleep, face pressed into his grey jumper. He smiles, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head. He loves Elliot, he does. Not even the feeling of regret could take that way. But Robert’s never felt good enough. He’s got a string of self-worth issues, the length of the village.

“Robert,” Victoria calls out, obviously having used the key Robert had given her, to let herself in.

Robert hushes her, walking out of the nursery, “I just got him off to sleep again.”

She smiles, her attention turning towards the tree “finished wrapping the presents then?”

Robert nods, “even managed to read through a contract, it’s been a good day.”

“See didn’t I tell,” she teases, walking over to him. She uses her index finger to stroke Elliot’s check, careful not to wake him. “Everything’s going to be fine.”

He wishes he had her confidence.

 

 

-

 

 

“You didn’t need to print them out as well Vic, you’ve already posted them on Facebook.”

She scoffs, snatching the photos out of Robert’s hands. “Honestly Robert, I’m going to have them _framed._ You only get one first Christmas ya know.”

Robert rolls his eyes, finishing off his coffee. Diane’s got Elliot for the day. Nicola had been on his case since Boxing Day; apparently, he’d used all this _maternity leave._ It wasn’t even like he wasn’t working; it was just mostly at home, whenever Elliot wasn’t screaming up a storm. It was nice though, being able to have a coffee at Bob’s surrounding be adults, not being thrown up on.

“I’ll pay for this one,” Robert says, picking up one of the photos from the coffee table. Debbie had brought the kids over to Diane’s in the morning; to open their presents before heading over to the annual Dingle get together at Zack and Lisa’s. Sarah had begged to be able to hold Elliot, and since her decline, there were very few things Robert wasn’t willing to grant his niece. Victoria had snapped the picture, of Sarah with Elliot in her lap, flanked by Jack on her right side. For a kid battling cancer and losing, she still had a killer smile.

It had been different, radically so from last year. They’d ended up at the Thomas’s, Robert felt a little awkward since he didn’t know Laurel all that well, but he ended up sat next to Sandy, who was more than happy to hold up a conversation throughout dinner. While everyone else fawned over Elliot, who was more than okay being passed around for cuddles.

So it wasn’t bad, it was just _different._ Not the Christmas he ever pictured having but it wasn’t as daunting as he had thought it would be those first few weeks.

Victoria leant over his shoulder, “yeah, that’s a good one.” She says, grabbing her bag “I’m heading into town this morning, need anything?”

Robert shook his head, placing the photo into the box with the others “no I’m alright, thanks.”

 

 

-

 

  

Robert’s run off his feet, frantically opening and closing drawers, trying to look for this blasted doctor’s slip. He’d taken Elliot to the doctor that morning; worried that his temperature was a little high, as it turned out, he’d gotten an ear infection. The doctor had assured him there was nothing to worry about and had written him a prescription to fill out. Only thing is he can’t find it _anywhere._

Keeping on top of everything with a newborn is difficult, but when you’re a single parent, and technically that’s what Robert is, it’s _hell._ There’s never enough time to clean the house, Victoria and Diane try, but they’ve got their own lives to lead, and Robert can’t expect them to give up their time to clean his house.

From the corner of his eye, Robert spots a blue paper underneath a stack of bills, for a second he thinks he's found what he's looking for but when he picks the paper up, he realises it’s not a paper, in fact, it’s an envelope. It’s got his name written in sloppy cursive on the front, and he heart skips a beat when he realises who it’s from.

It’s Aaron’s handwriting, Robert would recognise it anymore. He doesn’t understand, why would Aaron be writing him a letter? With shaky hands, he tears the envelope open, pulling out a card. It’s a standard, run of the mill Christmas card. Frowning, Robert opens it, reading the simple message inside.

_I hope you have a good Christmas, x A_

Christmas was weeks ago, there well into January. Robert must have thought it was junk mail and tossed it aside without a second thought. He stares down at the card, his eyes almost start to water. It’s not even that big of a deal; it’s just a flaming card. But it’s from _Aaron,_ and that makes it a big deal.

There’s a warm feeling that sits in the bottom of his stomach, at Aaron thinking about him. That Aaron took the time, to sit down and write it out, even if it was _short._ It meant he cared, and there were days after the breakup Robert wasn’t sure he did. When Aaron actively ignore him, got Adam to do his dirty work for him. In hindsight he knows, Aaron was just doing what he thought was best for him, to try and get _better._ Perhaps it was for the best, but it still hurt. It still left Robert wondering if Aaron ever really cared about him.

Placing the card on the kitchen table, Robert spots the prescription sitting on the microwave. Aaron probably thinks Robert isn’t interested, that his ignoring him, and for the most part that has been true. But that was more out of fear, of running into Aaron when he has Elliot more than anything else—which he knows will happen eventually. He doesn’t have time to think much more of it, picking up the prescription, and heading out the door to fill it. Aaron was probably being nice, that’s all it was. Robert shouldn’t get his hopes up, or read into something that isn’t there. The last thing he needed to do was get it into his head that they could ever rekindle what they had, that ship had sailed.  

 

 

-

 

 

_Thanks for the card, it means a lot._ Delivered (11:00am) 

 

 

 

 

 

> **Spring**

 

“There’s something wrong, he should be sitting up by now and his not. All the blogs I’ve read said that by five months he should be sleeping through the night but he's still restless.” Robert babbles, words spilling from his mouth, perhaps too quickly for the doctor to understand.

“Robert,” Dr Lewis says, he patiently waits for him to take a deep breath before he continues, “we’ve been through this, premature infants develop at a slightly slower pace, Elliot is doing just fine.”

Robert shakes his head, eyeing Elliot asleep in the pram “but shouldn’t he at the very least be sleeping through the night by now?”

“Some infants, even ones not born prematurely don’t settle until their at least 6 months.”

Robert’s phone feels heavy in his pocket. He knows he shouldn’t be on the forums, Dr Lewis has said enough times that it’s just going to encourage paranoia—and he’s right because Robert feels like he's doing this all wrong. That some how Elliot’s delayed development is down to him, it’s irrational he knows. It’s down to his premature birth, to Rebecca’s water having broken too early, and the hospital not being able to stop it.

It had nothing to do with him. But he can’t stop feeling like it does.

“You think I’m being over dramatic?”

Dr Lewis laughs, “No I think you’re a new parent. Everyone goes through this. The doubt, it’s absolutely normal, but I’m telling you. Elliot is perfect. Premature infants, born after 32 weeks usually catch up with development within 2 years. Stop stressing and just enjoy your son, because if there was cause for concern, I would have told you.”

Robert nods, breathing heavily through his nose. “I just keep feeling like I’m not doing enough.”

“It’s perfectly normal. But if it’ll make you feel better, why don’t stop by Hotten community centre, and sign yourself and Elliot up for a class or two?” He suggests.

"Classes?" Robert repeats sceptically.

Dr Lewis nods, "My wife had taken music and movement classes with our second, but I know there's also baby yoga, along with a whole range of other classes you could take. It might help, and I'm not just talking about Elliot."

 

 

-

 

 

Robert ended up signing them up for _everything_. Maybe he’d gone a little over bored at the very least he felt in control of something.  Over the last 6 months, it had felt like he was on autopilot. Going through the motions, pretending like he didn’t feel like he’d just made a massive mistake. Something had kicked though, and suddenly he was no longer regretful, he was panicked.

It had started off, when Robert had been scrolling through online forum, and realised Elliot had reached the development a five-month-old should. The thing is premature infants develop slower; they’d explain it to them at the hospital. After Rebecca had given birth, they’d placed Elliot into an incubator and whisked him off to the neonatal unit. It was standard procedure for infants born early.

Robert had remained calm; he’d sat at Rebecca’s bedside, and tried to keep her thinking positive. It wasn’t something he’d ever have pictured himself doing, but when push came to shove, she was the mother of his child. He wasn’t going to let her get worked over something that was out of either of their control.

As it turned out, Elliot was born at 32 weeks, which while premature, meant he wasn’t at risk for serious complication, though his development might be slightly delayed. Robert had been so relieved; he didn’t stop to think about what _delayed development_ actually meant.

A good parent would be prepared; they’d have done their homework. They’d be prepared for this—but Robert wasn’t a good parent. He was just getting by, hoping he doesn’t screw up to the point where it’s irreversible.

So when he’d walked into the community centre, he'd been a little overwhelmed. Robert hadn’t even realised there were _so many_ classes. At the centre, right by reception, was a stand, housing at least twenty different pamphlets. He ended up taking one of each; to say the receptionist had been  _surprised_ would be an understatement.

She’d looked at him as if he’d lost his mind, but apart from work, it wasn’t like Robert had a social life anymore—apart from spending nights in, in front of the TV with Victoria. Since Elliot’s birth, Robert had avoided the pub as if it was the plague. Aaron had broken up with _him,_ but Robert got the impression that even though Aaron had ended their relationship he wasn’t exactly welcome. So a few—or twenty, extra classes wouldn’t eat away too much into his time.

He just needs to feel like his doing _something._

 

 

-

 

 

"Damn it," he curses. 

Elliot's screaming, proper top of his lungs affair, and Robert's stuck in the middle of the village out in the open for everyone to see and no doubt  _judge._ He knows he's packed it, remembers stuffing the green frog into the baby bag before leaving the house this morning but it's just gone. He thinks perhaps he's left at the community centre, and mentally kicks himself. Elliot's due for his nap soon, there's no way he's going to be able to sleep without it. What's the odd's that some kid hasn't already pinched it, as sweet as most of the mothers were, some of those kids had kleptomaniac tendencies, he swear's.

"Please be here," he begs, using the front of his shoe to left up the brakes on the pram. He grabs the bag, and sits down on the side of the road, taking out each item, hoping, by some grace of god, the damn green frog will somehow appear. He wants to  _cry,_ and he knows his being  _stupid._ But this is  _Elliot's frog,_ he's had it since he was born, and the thought that Robert had carelessly left it behind makes his eyes start to water. He's being  _ridiculous._

Elliot's still crying, and Robert wonders if it was possible for the road to just cave in and swallow him whole, it would be less painful than this. 

"Robert?" someone calls his name, and perhaps a little frantically he raises his head. Just in time to see Aaron making his way towards him. Obviously having just left the pub. Liv's with him, but she's keeping her distance, eyeing him up like she doesn't quite know what to do or say. He'd  _tried._ He hadn't wanted to loose Liv too, but he also didn't want to make her choose. Aaron was her brother, and Robert knew at the end of the no matter how torn she was, it would be him she'd chosen. He  _understood._ As heartbroken as he might have been, and still is. He got it. 

"I'm fine," Robert says, clearing his throat. He's on his feet in seconds, rushing over to the pram to try and calm Elliot down. He must have looked like a complete mess, sat on the pavement, baby bag over turned, Elliot screaming the street down. 

He lifts Elliot up, still visible upset and places on his hip. He's got a red face, snot running down his upper lip. "You haven't got a tissue have you?" he asks. 

Aaron nods, pulling out a packet from his pocket. He's eyeing Robert up and down, probably trying to suss out if he's lost it or not. He hands Robert the tissue, grateful, he wipes the snot from Elliot's face, desperately trying to calm the toddler down. Bouncing him gently on his hip, just like, Robert knows he usually likes. 

"I've lost his frog," Robert frets. 

"He's what?" Aaron asks, eyes firmly on Elliot. Robert wonders what he thinks of him, does he  _hate_ or  _resent_ him. He knows, Aaron could  _never,_ knows even though Aaron had said as much, the day he'd left, he hadn't meant it. Aaron doesn't have it in him, he probably  _hates_ Robert, but not Elliot. 

Robert shakes his head, "It's this stuffed toy Doug had got him as a welcome home gift. I've only gone and left it at the centre and he's never going to get to sleep now. You know I bet one of those older kids pinched it, punch of sticky fingers them lot."

Aaron laughs, and even after everything it still makes Robert's knees wobble. Aaron happy, well it's a sight to behold, and Robert wishes he could just  _be_ in his orbit. Even as mates, even though Robert had been the one to make it clear that wasn't something he'd wanted. He can change his mind, can't he? 

"Why don't you just go out and buy another one?"

"You can't do that! He'll know," He exclaims. "That's like, buying a new hamster after the old one's croaked because you don't want to have _that_ conversation with your kid."

"Robert he's five months, I don't think he'll notice and besides it's worth a shot."

Robert bites his lip, Elliot's calmed down slightly. For starters he's no longer crying buckets, instead, he's got Robert's jacket in his mouth gnawing at the fabric. "The nearest shop's in Hotten though, and if I don't give him a bottle now he'll be in a downright mood for the rest of the day and I've promised Sarah could come over and play."

"I'll go," Aaron offers. He looks a little unsure, shuffling his sheet, something Robert had learnt over time he does when he's nervous. 

"Are you sure?"

He nods, "yeah, text me the name of the shop and I'll drive down after I've dropped Liv off at a friend's."

 

 

-

 

 

_The shops called 'totally toys', it's on the high-street you can't miss it. Honestly, I owe you one._ Delivered (14:00pm)

_You can buy me a pint at the pub to make it up to me._ Received (14:03pm)

_I'll see when Victoria can babysit and you're on._ Delivered (14:04pm) 

 

 

-

 

 

Robert's got no idea, _what this is._ But a few days, after the 'frog incident' he manages to get Victoria to babysit. Usually, it's not hard, she jumps at any chance to have Elliot for the night. But Victoria being well  _Victoria._ She'd sussed something was up, the moment he'd sneaked into the back of the pub, something he hadn't done in months. That was clearly his  _mistake,_ he should have waited till her shift was over, but Robert was a little giddy. He knew this drink was strictly friendship, it wasn't as if he was under the impression it was anything but, _but,_ it had been too long since Robert had sat and had a pint with someone other than Elliot and drinking at the B&B just wasn't the  _same._ Besides, Robert did miss their  _friendship,_  yeah they'd always been more,  _sure_ they'd never been strictly friends without sex. But, they'd been able to have a laugh, and while he wasn't Aaron's best friend, there was a time when Aaron was _his._  

And he missed it, being able to just have a  _pint with him._

Victoria had been apprehensive,  _what if this doesn't go the way you want it to Rob? Remember last time? Remember falling down the stairs? You've got Elliot now._ But Robert had assured her it was strictly friendship, Robert  _knew it._ He wasn't going to spiral this time, he knows the scores. Aaron isn't interested in anything more than a drink, and Robert will take what he can get. 

Robert had gotten Elliot settled with Victoria First, taking a quick photo of Elliot all cuddled up with his new frog just in case Aaron was interested. He wasn't sure, yeah Aaron had been helpful, but Robert wasn't sure Aaron would want to see that. He took one anyway, just  _in case._ Then made his way over to the pub, the air warmer than in recent months, it no longer felt like a challenge leaving the house. Walking into the pub, was well  _surreal._ He'd not been in, in months, and yeah technically everything was exactly the same, but it felt weird. Clearly, everyone else felt the same, because as soon as he stepped foot inside, every pair of eyes in the place, turned to start at him.  _Great._

"Rob," Aaron calls.

Robert whips his head around, to see Aaron sitting in one of the boots furthest away from the door. It's got a little privacy to it, and Robert's internally grateful. Well aware of Chas's eyes on him, he makes his way across the pub and slides into the seat opposite him.

"If looks could kill," he jokes.

Aaron shrugs, "Nah, you're alright. She's dating a copper now, couldn't kill ya even if she wanted to."

Robert laughs, "good to know. _Still,_ you better get the drinks." He pulls out his wallet, and hands Aaron a ten-pound note "I'd rather not have my pint, in my lap, ta."  

_It's nice,_ Robert dares himself to say easy. They fall into a comfortable rhythm, first talking about the scrap yard, which quickly turns into a rant (on Aaron's side) about being left in the portacabin all day with just Adam. Nicola had managed to sweet Jai into letting them set up shop, at the factory, which Robert who had been ignoring Aaron at the time had been grateful for. God only knows what _she_ still had on that family, Robert would love to know. 

From Adam, it quickly turned into how Liv was doing. According to Aaron, she'd been nominated for best artist of her year, Robert couldn't help but feel a little--not a lot proud. She'd  _settled._ The Mill had done everything he'd hoped it would. Gave her roots, and now she was growing, finding her own way and Robert couldn't be happier for her, even if he was slightly sad he wasn't in her life to see it. 

He lets Aaron drone on about his life, paying for the next round too  _because he's allowed to treat his mate._ It isn't until well into the evening when Robert revenuers to bring Elliot up, unsure at first, the words tumble out, without him being able to control himself. He wants Aaron to know.

"Elliot loves the Frog by the way, you were right, he took to it straight away."

"Well I'd hope so, it cost 20 quid," Aaron laughs.

"Oh, I could give you the money for it if you'd—," Robert starts. 

"No, it's okay," Aaron interrupts, "I'm kidding, I'm glad he likes it. Consider it a late Christmas gift." 

Robert nods, hesitating for a second. This could ruin the night but—"I took a picture if you...wanted to see." He stammers out. 

"Yeah sure."

Nervous, Robert pulls his phone out of his pocket, scrolling through the album titled 'ES' until he finds the picture he'd taken earlier on. Aaron shuffles over until his chest is almost touching Robert's back, so he can lean over his shoulder, and look down at the screen. Aaron's so close, and Robert almost  _can't breathe._

"Is he watching Telly?"

"Yeah," Robert says, clearing his throat, "Can you believe the Teletubbies is still  _on_?"

"He has your nose," Aaron says then, pulling back. Robert places the phone down on the table, shifting so his face to face with Aaron again. He's got this look, Robert for the life of him can't place it, but if he had to guess, he'd say he looked  _torn._

Robert doesn't know what to do, so he just smiles softly and agrees, "Yeah, he does."  

 

 

-

 

 

It's mid-May when Liv approaches him. He's sitting outside Bob's, soaking in the first proper, sunny day in months. He's even got Elliot's jacket off and all, it feels  _good._ Summer's coming, and Robert can't wait for a bit of a slower pace. He'd had a bit of a breakdown, a week prior, Diane had dropped off Elliot a little later than they'd agreed, and because of it, they'd missed one of their classes. It wasn't a big  _deal,_ but Robert had flown off the handle, he didn't even like  _music and me,_ the mum who ran it was way to condensing for only having one kid. No  _Julia,_ he didn't need to learn how to make all organic baby paste, it wasn't a monster. He'd never feed  _that_ to his kid. It looked like something an evil scientist had conducted in his laboratory. 

_How many classes are you taking exactly?_ Diane had asked.

_Nineteen?_ _I had to stop baby yoga, cause the mums were too cliquey but—_

_Robert, you need a break, pet,_ maybe he had, it wasn't like it was working out  _anyway._ Operations,  _super-dad,_ was failing about as hard as every one of his plans usually did. So he'd agreed to cut it down to five classes a week begrudgingly, which in fall fairness gave him a chance to sit down and enjoy the sunshine, so things weren't  _that bad._

Liv had shown up right as he was about to leave. Shoving a piece of paper to his chest "here."

She takes Elliot from his lap without even asking. She's never held him before, but she looks like she knows what she's doing, she takes the seat, to the left of the pram, and places Elliot expertly on her lap, and Robert wonders how she knows,  _he didn't._

"What's this?" he asks. 

"Read it and find out."

So he does, he looks down at the crumpled paper and realises it's an invitation. There's an award ceremony at Hotten High School, and Liv's inviting him, he's a little awe struck, doesn't quite know what to say at first. "Have you asked Aaron?" Because even though they'd had that drink, and they're not completely ignoring each other anymore, this was a big step.

Liv nods, "yep. His fine with it, and besides _I_ want you there."

He looks at her, Elliot in her lap, and there's forgiveness shining in her eyes. He doesn't _deserve this_ he knows he doesn't, but Robert's weak, and selfish, so even though he knows he doesn't, he'll take it anyway.

"I'd love to come."   

 

 

 

 

 

> **Summer**

 

As the heat hits, Elliot's swimming classes become Robert's favourite thing. He gets to spend an hour in the cool water, watching Elliot splash and kick to his heart's content. Robert had even bought him new swimming trunks for the summer, there bright orange, with pink lines running down both sides. He'd got them at a steal from Mothercare's online store, during one of their sales—because  _yes._ Robert was now officially signed up to their newsletter.

Originally Victoria had signed up for him, but Robert wasn't made out of money, no matter what anyway one else in the village thought. He made a good salary but he wasn't rolling _in cash._ The investments he'd made, had gone to buying The Mill the right way, and he hadn't regretted it. Yeah, most would think he was crazy putting all that money into a place, he couldn't even live in, that wasn't  _his._ But it was for Aaron and Liv, and together or not, Robert was always going to look out for them. 

Rebecca contributed, a neat sum into his bank account each month (Robert had always thought it would be other way around.) But his not touched it, instead, Robert's been depositing Rebecca's money into Elliot's trust fund, he feels better about it that way, _just case._ Robert doesn't need to be rich, he doesn't need them to have lots of money to be happy and that's something his learnt over time. When he'd left the village the first time, a 100 pounds in his pocket, a beaten up car and a mobile, he'd thought money was  _everything._ It gave you everything, but Robert knows now, that there are so many things money can't buy, important things. Most of all it couldn't buy him  _happiness._

Robert's loading the shopping into the house, one bag at a time, Elliot firmly on his hip. He's restless this afternoon, usually swimming tires him out but not today. He cries if he's left in the car seat too long, and well—his a crawling menace. _Finally,_ Robert thinks, even though he's promised himself not to compare Elliot to other kids his age, Robert can't help but feel his heart swell when Elliot reaches a development goal, Victoria had said he was positively beaming last Sunday when he'd managed to crawl across the carpet towards him. 

He's just grabbed the last bag and shutting the boot when—"Rocky!"

Startled, Robert turns just in time to see a black and white Boston Terrier running towards him. Raising a brow, he tightens his hold on Elliot, placing the bag on the hood.  _Rocky,_ which Robert assumes is the dog's name, comes to a pause by his feet, sitting down politely. 

"Who do you belong to uh?" Robert wonders, watching as Rocky's head tilts to one side, mirroring his own.

"Me. Jesus that dog can run  _fast._ Let go of his lead for one second and he's gone."

Robert laughs. Aaron's flushed, sweat forming on his forehead. It's hot, running is definitely not sort of thing he should be doing in this weather unless he wants to get sunstroke. "He's yours?" he asks, watching as Aaron clips the lead to the metal loop on Rocky's collar.

Aaron nods, "yeah Liv and I were meant to _just_ be looking."

"You took Liv to the pound? You had to know that wasn't a good idea."

"I  _know._ But she begged and we were just meant to be _looking,_ then they just  _had_ to tell us he'd be put down if they didn't find someone to adopt him soon. What was I meant to do?"

"Ah, the old guilt trick."

Aaron laughs, bending down to pet the top of Rocky's head "it's how they get you, I'm telling ya. Besides, it's nice to have some company since you _know._ "

Robert does know, had spent all night holding Victoria as she cried when earlier that day Adam had announced he was leaving. He'd told Victoria first before she'd heard it from someone else, but that didn't mean it hurt any  _less._  Even though she'd been the one to end it, saying goodbye to Adam, another person that she'd cared about and loved, had hit her hard, it had taken weeks before she started to resemble his sister. She was heartbroken, mourning the life she'll never have, know that he was gone, Robert gets  _it._ More than she'll ever know. 

Adam had gone to live with Hannah overseas, Robert hadn't realised what it would mean for Aaron, especially with Liv spending June with Sandra in Dublin. No wonder Liv wanted to get Aaron a dog, she probably thought he'd be lonely. 

"Rocky uh?"

Aaron shakes his head, biting his lip to suppress a smile "apparently his previous owner had a thing for the movies."

"I don't know, he looks like a Rocky to me. Got the face of a champion and all."

Elliot chooses that moment to cry, hands balled into fists jabbing at Robert's chest. "And on that note, I better get him and the last of the shopping inside."

"See you around yeah?" 

"Absolutely."

 

 

-

 

 

"Thanks for inviting us," Aaron says, taking another bite of the salmon sandwich Robert had prepared early that morning.

It had ended up just being him and Elliot over the weekend, Victoria at some music festival with the food truck, and Diane focusing all her energy into being there for Sarah as she started another round of chemo. He'd thought about getting some fresh air, and thought a picnic by the cricket pavilion would be the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon. He'd been in the middle of packing lunch when the thought to invite Aaron had popped into his head. He almost didn't, if he's being  _honest._ Their last, and only picnic together had been after Aaron had gotten out of prison when they were still together. 

Robert was afraid Aaron would take it the wrong way and he'd lose all the ground he'd made with him. Sure they'd had a few drinks together, chatted in the pub, greeted each other at Bob's but they'd never been alone together (sans Elliot) since Aaron had called them off. What if it was too much? If Aaron realised he couldn't be friends with him? Nervous, he'd called Aaron anyway, inviting Rocky along too, to break the ice. Afterall, Robert was sure the dog would love the exercise.

To his delight, Aaron agreed. So Robert had finished packing, loaded Elliot up into the car and driven over to the mill to pick them up. That had been about an hour ago, as soon as they'd arrived, Robert had laid out a green blanket he'd found in the back of his closet a while ago. With Elliot, occupied, with his bottle, and trusty frog at his side, they'd both been able to tuck in. Rocky, Robert had to admit was one of the most well-trained dog he'd ever seen. Apart from the odd beg or two at the beginning, he dutifully sat next to Aaron and watched them both eat their lunch.

"No thank you, it's nice to _you know,_ talk to an adult. It's been just me and Elliot since Friday, and I was going a little stir crazy."

"Yeah, mum said Sarah was starting another round of that experimental drug on the weekend."

Robert nods, "Diane's with her, giving Debbie and Charity a break when they need it." Robert explains. He can't imagine what Debbie's going through, having Elliot, he just  _can't._ Just the thought alone, made his heart constrict, he can't imagine if he ever had to face with that reality "I can't imagine it, what it would feel like, thinking I was going to lose him."

His voice breaks slightly, and Aaron's hand is suddenly on his thigh. A comforting warm pressure. "Don't think about it eh?" He says, his mouth curving into a sad smile.

"I hired a private investigator you know."

"To find Andy?"

Robert nods, "yep. He needs to be here, not for  _him._ But for Sarah, she needs her dad here."

"Have they found anything?"

Robert sighs "no," and it's discouraging that they haven't, Robert's paying them enough "but it's only been a few weeks. I only got in touch, after Diane told me, they were giving the treatment once last go."

He'd promised himself, he was going to get Andy home in time. For that little girl, who deserved to be surrounded by the people who loved her the most when she finally went, if the treatment didn't work (Diane had not been hopeful). She deserves that, and Robert was going to do everything in his power to make that happen.

"You're doing the best you can."

"Yeah I just wish it felt like enough," he admits, putting down the bottle of water. Beside him, Elliot uses both hands to place his sippy to the ground, before crawling towards Aaron. Robert watches with a raised brow, a little worried about Rocky's reaction, he was quite protective. The dutiful dog didn't move, even when Aaron lifted Elliot up, to position him sitting firmly in his lap. 

"I never asked what happened to you and Rebecca."

Robert doesn't want to talk about it. The moods already dropped, the carefree atmosphere between them gone. But Robert had promised Aaron a long time ago to be honest,  _always._ So he bites his lip, leans forward and touches the crown of Elliot's head, and says "losing Lawrence had taken a lot out of her.  _More_ Chrissie and Rebecca had to take care of her—they had to heal, learn to be okay again and they couldn't do that here. Elliot needed stability, and if you can believe it as it turned out I was the better option."

"Where are they now?"

"Sydney, half a world away."

"Do you think they'll come back?"

Robert shook his head, remembered the last thing Rebecca had told him,  _I'm not coming back Robert, this place—its cursed now, maybe it's always been. Take care of our little boy._ She'd hugged them, paid once last glance at Elliot, asleep in the incubator and walked out. "No, she's not coming back. She sends cards and money. We Skype chat sometimes but not often. I promised one day I'd take him for a visit, he deserves that you know." 

"Well, I think you're doing a fantastic job."

Elliot laughs then, making grabby hands in the air trying to catch a butterfly that had just flown by. Robert smiles, because  _hey_ maybe he is. He doesn't believe it most of the time—but Elliot's happy, he's Robert's smiling boy, and he'd done that.

"I'm happy we can do this you know. Hang out together, I missed talking you."

"Yeah me too" Aaron mumbles, placing a kiss to Elliot's forehead. 

 

 

-

 

 

It becomes a thing, they go on kind of 'play dates.' Robert brings Elliot and Aaron brings Rocky and they go on days out together. Sometimes on the weekends, other times during the week when they both can get a day off. It carries on well into July, even after Liv comes home from Ireland. She's a little shocked by how close they are but seems delighted at the progress they've made. Sometimes she joins them, Elliot on her hip, leash in her hand looking like a proper little mum. Other times she leaves them to it, even offering to babysit so they can go on the occasional adult night out. Though she usually needs to fight Victoria for Elliot but the girls always work it out. Sometimes _even_ watching him together and making a proper girls night of it. 

They kiss, in August. Aaron had made the first move. It had been late one night after Robert had walked Aaron home from the pub. Robert was about the leave when Aaron had pulled him in and they'd _kissed._ Robert would be lying if he'd said he hadn't pictured this moment since the day they'd broken up, but he'd never allowed himself to believe he could have it. But there he was, kissing Aaron Dingle, and nothing had ever felt so right. It hadn't gone any further, just a steamy kiss, and a goodnight hug. 

But it was the  _start._ Of perhaps something new, something  _healthy._

So really Robert should have seen this coming, but when Chas showed up at his door unannounced, he'd been blind-sighted. He hadn't spoken to her, apart from a few words at the pub, since he'd left Mauritius, a life time ago now. After all, she'd made it perfectly clear what she thought of him. 

"What's this about Chas?" Robert asks. They're sat at the kitchen table, two mugs and the baby monitor between them.

Chas chewed on her bottom lip, nursing her tea "I know you and Aaron are  _something._ I don't know what, because Aaron won't tell me, but I know."

"Let me guess, you're here to tell me to back off?" 

She looks up, and there's something in her eyes "No, oddly enough I'm not." There's a sound from the baby monitor, nothing more then Elliot moving. She snorts, "you know when I found out Aaron was gay I thought I'd never be a grandma—I know it's _stupid._ There are so many ways to have a baby nowadays, but it was a different back then. And what if Aaron never found anyone? Or they never had an enough money. I just, I made my peace with it."

There's silence between them, and Robert doesn't know what to _say._ He doesn't know what she wants from him. He doesn't know what they are either, they're just being  _them._ They're not labelling it, or putting expectations on themselves, they're just having fun being together and really isn't that what it's all about?   

"You're it for him you know. I wish you weren't but you  _are._ So if your in, be in. For both your sakes, but most importantly for that little boy in there. Because he doesn't deserve either of at you're worst, and neither does Liv."

"I'm in Chas, I swear I won't let anyone down again."

She gives him a sharp nod, and it feels like an understanding, a  _truce_ and really that's the best he could ever hope for.

 

 

-

 

 

Robert's gotten used to sleeping alone again, used to hogging the covers all for himself, it had been a long time since he'd woken up in the middle of the night reaching out for someone who wasn't there. Robert thinks people, get used to a lot of things. Ask him a year ago, and he'd never thought changing napping and sterilising bottles would be second nature, but he can practically do it in his sleep. So the first time Aaron spends the night it's  _weird._ Liv's spending the night at Gabby's house, so Robert had invited him over to watch a DVD after Elliot had gone down for the night. One thing had led to another and well—let's just say they hadn't watched the ending of the movie. 

It had been intense, being with Aaron always was, but there was something to the saying, distance makes the heart grow founder because everything felt  _better._ Almost like the first time, and maybe it a lot of ways it was. They were both in better places than they'd ever been, so maybe this was _new._ This was them being better. It was the afterwards that had been awkward, it had taken Robert a while to loosen up until Aaron had pressed his front to Robert's back, and that was all it took for him to melt. It had been a while, Robert isn't ashamed to admit he hasn't had anyone since Aaron, even though he knows Aaron has. 

It doesn't bother him as much as he'd thought it would. Aaron had told him one night after too many beers, it had tumbled out, _I want—no I need to be honest._ It had hurt at first, but if that's what Aaron needed to do to heal, to come back to him, Robert couldn't blame him. Aaron needed to find his own way. 

Robert woke to an empty and considering he was sure Aaron had been there when he dozed off, he was confused. Using the base of his palms, he wipes the sleep from his eyes, spotting Aaron's clothes still sitting on the chest of drawers. 

That's when he hears it "hey, we don't need to call your daddy I've got ya right?" he hears Aaron say through the baby monitor. He figures Elliot must have woken him, "I care about your daddy so much you know. I'm happy we're finally giving it another shot. Making a proper go of it. Just the four of us—well five of us, don't tell Rocky I forget about him."

Robert's almost got tears in his eyes, that he tries hard to swallow down. Sleepily he throws the covers off himself and heads down the hall into the nursery, Aaron's standing by the window Elliot in his arms, the moonlight illuminating the room. Robert's never loved Aaron move then in this moment, right _here._ Holding his son. 

"Did he wake you?" Robert asks from the doorway.

Aaron turns to him, "Yeah, but we're all good now yeah?" He smiles, rubbing Elliot's back.

"I'm happy we're giving it a proper go too," he says sheepishly, looking guilty. "I love Elliot, but it's been hard. Doing it alone, I know I have Vic and Diane, but still. He's my responsibility."

"We're in this together now yeah?"

It almost feels like he's dreaming, like he's gonna wake up and none of this would have happened. Because he's wanted this for so long, wanted it and never allowed himself to believe he could have it because he didn't deserve it, because he'd ruined them, why should he get a second chance? 

"I'm all in." 

 

 

 

 

 

> **Autumn**  

 

It's Aaron who suggests having Elliot's birthday party at the mill. Robert had been apprehensive at first, because, the mill, was well—the mill and Robert still had unresolved feeling about the place that had _almost_ been his home.

Most nights they spend together, Aaron stays at his. It's easier that way because Elliot could stay with Robert (he felt bad if he left him, with Victoria or Diane _too_ often) and Liv will jump at the chance to spend the night at Gabby's. Besides, Robert finds, that Liv's comfortable staying in the house alone, it's her _home._ She's growing, really Robert should stop being surprised. He sees it every day with Elliot, it's daunting to think that one day, he's going to be own person. He'll be Liv's age, and one day he'll even be  _Robert's age._ It's terrifying really, Robert wants him to stay this little forever, even though he knows he can't. He guesses no matter what Elliot will always be his little boy. 

Aaron's insistent, _it's perfect Robert, your place hasn't got a garden, the mill does._ Robert could have fought, but he knew once Aaron had gotten Victoria on board, he'd lost any chance of winning that battle, so he'd conceded. And with Victoria planning it, Robert knew it would be a bash and it was. She'd only gone and invited half the village, most of which Robert couldn't really give a toss about, but she was excited. She was beaming, and well Robert had really turned into a soft touch. 

So he's sat, on one of the plastic chairs they'd sat up earlier in the day, plastic cup, filled with beer in hand. God knows where Elliot was, he'd lost him to the girls  _ages ago._

"Alright mate," Pete says, walking over and taking the seat beside him.

"Yeah I think they've stolen my baby though," he jokes, "look, mate, I'm sorry about you and Leyla."

_He was._ Because Pete was a good bloke, albeit one who had made a beyond stupid mistake, but Robert's been there.  _More than once._ It had come out over the summer, at their engagement party, of all things, Robert hadn't been there, but he'd gotten a play by play from Brenda the following morning when he'd gone in for breakfast. Apparently, Priya couldn't handle it, lying to her best friend and who could blame her, she'd spilled her guts and it all came tumbling down.

Pete takes a sip of beer, and sighs, "me too, mate, I guess that's what happens when you think you can have your cake and eat it too."

Robert nods, patting Pete on the back, perhaps a gesture most would think uncharacteristic, but Robert's trying to be better, and that includes being a better mate. Maybe they weren't mates _per say,_  but maybe they could be. It's healthy, for him and Aaron to have people outside each other's orbit. Robert knows the reason he'd fallen so hard last time was because aside from Diane and Victoria, Robert didn't really have anyone, didn't have mates he could turn to. If it was going to work this time, that needed to change. 

"Give me a call during the week, we'll go have a pint after work," Robert suggests.

Pete smiles, "yeah, that sounds great." He looks ahead, and Robert follows his gaze, Aaron's walking towards them. "I should leave you to it." Pete says, standing up "I'll call ya."

"Call ya for what?" Aaron asks, standing at his side, hand on his shoulder.

"We're going to have a pint during the week. _Hey,_ you haven't by any chance seen my son right?"   

"Diane's got him, that's why I was coming to find you, we're about to blow out the candles. Can't do it without the dad can we?"

Robert laughs, standing up. He pulls Aaron close, still not believing he's allowed to do  _this._ "Thanks for making me have the party here, it's ten times better than what it would have been at my gaff."

Aaron leans forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek "don't worry about it. I know I'm always right." He teases, giving Robert a wink.  

Elliot's turning one, his little boy is officially one year old. Well technically he wasn't, being born premature, but that was beside the  _point._ He had held Elliot, while everyone sang happy birthday to him, birthday cake Victoria had made sat in front of him on the table, a candle in the shape of a one stuck in the middle lit. 

"Make a wish, sweetheart," he says, as Diane hands him the knife. Elliot's giggling like mad, music to Robert's ears, just as the song comes to an end. He leans forward, keeping a tight grip on Elliot "blow," he says, and yeah it's mostly _him,_ but Elliot does help a little. He cuts the cake, then moves to the side, so Diane can start to serve. 

"Happy Birthday buddy," Aaron coos, taking Elliot off him. He watches Aaron sway slightly with the music,  _this is everything he's ever wanted._ And now he has it, Robert doesn't think things could get any better.

 

 

-

 

 

The other shoe had to drop at some point he supposes. It _always_ does with him. Robert Sugden can't be happy for too long without something coming in the way and snatching it all away.  _Can't have that,_ you've been happy for too long. It's time to take it all away. It hadn't even been a big deal, at least not to him and that's the problem, isn't it? He's always upsetting Aaron, putting his big mouth in it, he can't help it. Can't just let himself be happy. Elliot's gotten into a phase, where he's super possessive of his toys. They can be in the toy box,  _but,_ if he can't find something, it's World War bloody three. So obviously when he'd realised he's toy elephant had gone missing he'd almost had a breakdown. Clearly, they'd left it over at the mill yesterday, while they'd spent the afternoon having tea.

So he'd called Aaron, simple enough _right?_ Wrong. 

"Missing me already? I've only been home half an hour," Aaron jokes, and Robert would have laughed, if he didn't have a screaming toddler, tearing down the house.

"No, listen have you seen Elliot's elephant? The one with the green trunk?"

"Um let me check," Aaron says, and Robert sits down on the couch, handing Elliot another toy instead. A cat Laurel had bought him for Christmas a while back, of course, he throws it straight to the floor. He knows where his son got his stubbornness from, for sure.

"Anything?"

"I'm looking, hold on..yep found it. It was wedged between the settee cushions."

Robert sighs in relief "you wouldn't be amazing and bring it round, would you? I'd owe ya a pint."

"I can think of other _things_ you can owe me." Robert can hear the smirk, in his voice. 

"Aaron," he pretends to scold "I've got a toddler sat right beside me. _Behave._ " 

" _Make me._ I'll be over in ten."

As promised Aaron arrived, elephant, in hand. "I swear I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, here you go sweetheart." Robert hands the soft toy to Elliot, who grins and hugs the toy to his chest.

"Want a cuppa?" he offers, heading to the kitchen.

"Ta," Aaron calls, sitting beside Elliot on the couch "you know, you're always leaving stuff over at the house."

Robert sighs, "I _know._ I need to create a system or something to help me remember." He places two mugs on the kitchen counter, pouring an equal amount of boiling water into each. Putting sugar and milk into Aaron's and just milk into his own before heading back into the sitting room.

"Maybe I should make a list of things I bring," Robert suggests handing Aaron one of the mugs.

"That's actually not what I meant. I was thinking...that maybe you and Elliot could move into the mill."

"What?"

It's not that Robert doesn't want to,  _of course, he does._ But things are different now, he had Elliot, he can't just be shuffled every time they have a row. What if things didn't work out for them? What happens then? Do him and Elliot just what,  _move out?_ Robert promised himself, he'd give Elliot a stable home, and this screamed instability to him.

"Don't sound too put off at the end idea," he accuses, placing the mug down on the coffee table.

"No Aaron it's not that—"

"Forget it," Aaron says, cutting him off and standing up. He's out the door before Robert can even think of what to say. The door slams behind him, and Robert's just at a  _loss._ Had he screwed this up again? What were the odds he was going to be given a third chance at the life he wanted?  _What the fuck just happened?_

 

 

 

-

 

 

_Aaron you didn't even let me explain._ Delivered (23:45pm)

 

 

-

 

 

"You and Aaron have a barney or something?" Victoria asks while they're having breakfast at Bob's. Robert doesn't even know what they're having, just that Aaron had refused to speak to him since he'd stormed out. 

"Something like that, why?" Roberts grumbles, taking a bite out of his bacon sarnie. He holds the plate underneath his chin, to make sure he doesn't spill anything onto his trousers. He'd already had to change once because Elliot had decided to spill Milk down his shirt earlier on that morning.   

Victoria shrugs, "you two were loved up five minutes ago is all. What happened now?" She doesn't say  _what did you do?_ It's something Robert appreciates, she's  _trying._

Robert sighs, "Aaron asked Elliot and me, to move into the mill last week."

"Isn't that a good thing? Robert this is what you've wanted for ages, what's the problem?"

"I know it is" he snaps, "but  _Vic,_ what happens if we have another fallout, what if it's just as bad as last time and we end it? Elliot and I will be out on the street again, without a home. I can't do that to Elliot, as much as I love Aaron he needs to come  _first._ My son. I'm not going to have him think the mill is his home, only to have it ripped from him." 

"Did you tell Aaron any of this?"

"I tried Vic, but he didn't even give me a chance to explain. I've left him over a dozen messages, almost knocked down the door at his place till Liv told me to do one."

"Maybe he's  _scared._ "

"Of me?" he asks, confused. "That's ridiculous."

"No," she grimaces, shaking her head and putting down her mug. She sighs, as she goes on, "he put himself out there and you rejected. Good intentions or not, it had to  _hurt._ He probably thinks you don't want that anymore, the mill, you together as a family."

"When I said I'm _in,_ I meant it." 

"Then tell him that! Keeping trying until he listens. You can't give up _now._ You're too close."

 

 

-

 

 

_I'm not giving up Aaron, I'll leave a thousand messages if I have to till you hear me out._ Delivered (13:50pm)

 

 

-

 

 

Since Liv hadn't called or given any indications that he'd been uninvited to her award ceremony, he assumed she still wanted him there and no matter what the tense situation between him and Aaron was, he wasn't about to let her down again. Besides, this ceremony was probably the only time Aaron couldn't just tell Robert to  _fuck off_ so it was worth a shot. He'd gotten Diane and Doug to watch Elliot, they already had Jack staying over at their's and Robert figures it would do him good to spend time with his cousin and grandparents (he never thought he'd be calling Doug  _grandparent_ to his kid, but the truth was, he'd been there for Elliot and  _boring_ as he was, he had Robert's respect.) He still hadn't had any luck on the Andy front, and as Christmas drew nearer, and Sarah grew worse, the pressure was on. He just hoped he's guy, got him the information in time. 

It was a little after six when Robert pulled up to Hotten High School, managing to squeeze into a parking space not too far. The air had started to turn, a chill running through the breeze. It was impossible to cling to summer now, it was over now, in more ways than _one._

"You showed," Liv gasps, tugging down the ends of her dress. "I'm going to kill Gabby, this dress is so uncomfortable." 

Robert smiles, handing her the flowers he'd bought from David's before heading into town. "You look beautiful, congratulations."

She hugs him then, something they haven't done often, even before Aaron and him, had broken up last time, him and Liv had only hugged a grand total of once. It wasn't their  _thing,_ but she had a face buried into his shirt, and Robert couldn't help putting his arms around her and giving her a tight squeeze. 

"I've got to go take my place, but Aaron's at the front with Chas and Jason."

Hesitantly, he made his way through the sea of parents and pupils, until he spotted the three of them and steeled himself for the cold shoulder he was no doubt going to receive. "This seat taken?" He asks, signaling to the empty chair beside Aaron. 

As suspected, both Chas and Aaron remain silent, though at least  _she_ looks torn. Aaron just stared straight ahead, like Robert hasn't spoken, and it _stings._ Maybe Victoria had been right, Aaron had put himself out there, and Robert had rejected him but he hadn't meant  _to._ He was scared too. Even after all this time, he's still scared his screwing things up, still can't help but think Elliot deserves a better dad, deserved better than Robert. It wasn't  _Aaron_ it was him. He's the problem, he's always the problem. 

"Yeah mate, go ahead," Jason says, giving him a nod. 

Sighing Robert sits down, placing his hands on his lap "you're being ridiculous, you haven't even let me explain."

Aaron scoffs, "what is there to explain? You don't what  _this_ Robert, I get it."

"Are you fucking kidding me," He hisses, voice hushed. Their both facing forward, towards the stage, "moving out of the mill was one of the most painful experiences of my life. Knowing I'd lost that, ruined the life we were meant to have in that house it  _killed me._ "

"I thought we'd agreed to let all that stuff go Robert? A  _fresh_ _start_? What happened to that?"

Robert bites down hard on his lip, not wanting to cause a scene, "what happened is I have a  _son_ Aaron. And I was scared okay, scared that I'll do something to screw it up and he'll; suffer the consequences, scared that he'll think of the mill as his home and I'll be the person who rips it from him.  _Because I always end up screwing up in the end._ Get sent away, every time, and I don't want that for him. I don't want him, to hate me."

Robert makes to get up, he'd said all he needed to say, he'll just sit at the back till Liv was given her award. Aaron stops him, grabs his arm and pulls him back down into his seat.

"I just got scared, I thought you'd change your mind about us. _I'm sorry,_ I had no idea you felt that way but Robert. Didn't we say no more lies yeah? So the next time you're feeling this way, you have to be honest with me alright? We'll never work long-term if we can be honest with each other."

Robert nods, letting out a sniffle, turning to face Aaron, "can we just be happy? My lease isn't up until after Christmas, why don't we just take it one step at a time, and if we're still good then, Elliot and I will move in okay?"

Aaron nods, pulling Robert in for a kiss, "Okay." He whispers into Robert's lips. "I like the sound of that, us being happy."

"Me too."

The lights dim then, and the award ceremony starts. They sit through _three speeches,_ whoever said teachers were vain, was spot on. Liv's the second award, and when her names called out the four of them stand, and Aaron makes a whooping noise which Robert's sure Liv cringes at when she hears, but _they're proud._ He thinks about that one conversation Robert and she had, had while Aaron was in prison. Remembers the way she'd talked about her mum never being there "not even on sports day" and feels like he needs to be louder. He needs to show her, they're  _here,_ she's supported and loved, and none of them were going anywhere. Because he couldn't be prouder, to see how far she'd come. When he'd meet her, she was just a some messed up kid, who frankly Robert couldn't have cared less about. Now she was practically a  _women,_  and one of the most important people in his life.She was going to pave her own way into the world, she was going to  _be_ someone, Robert knew it. 

"That's our girl," Aaron whispers into his ear, intertwining his arm with Robert's. 

She's stood centre stage, a grin ear to ear, the award in hand, smiling for the camera. She looks absolutely perfect, and Aaron's right,  _she's their girl._ Their sister, because as far as Robert's considered he's got two, has had for while now. 

"Yes, she is," he agrees. 

 

 

 

  

 

> **Epilogue** **: Winter again.**

 

"We're late," Robert moans, "seriously, Aaron Victoria is going to hang me get a move on—Liv, hurry, up."

"I'll be down in a second, keep your hair on."

Robert groans, how was it possible that he'd managed to get the toddler ready before them? The pair had stayed the night, Robert had _thought_ it would be easier, that way they could all head over to Diane's for breakfast together. He should have stayed home, at least then he'd have made it over there in time. 

"Aaron—"

"We're coming, we're coming jesus, it's only ten past nine, we'll make it."

Today was going to be hectic, and if they managed to make it through the day without any tears, from  _anyone_ one Robert would consider it a win. They were having breakfast over at Diane's with his family, and having Dinner at The Dingle's, frankly as long as Victoria was there to see Elliot open his presents she was happy. Besides, Victoria had decided to have Dinner at Moria's this year, with Adam having gone, and the Barton's at rifts, she thought it would be nice if she joined her ex-mother-in-law (though, since all anyone,  _meaning Brenda_ could talk about was her and Cain having rekindled their relationship, he doubts she's all that  _lonely._ ) 

"Liv, I'm not going to tell you again!" he shouts, bending down to tie Elliot's shoelaces. 

Aaron and he had been steady since Liv's ceremony, they haven't taken out the rings yet, or agreed to move in together but that will come with  _time._ They're happy though, steady and safe in a way they've never been. It feels right this time like they can go the distance like they can make it.

"I'm ready," Liv huffs, bouncing down the stairs.

_Finally_ "okay great, let's go, Aaron, if you can get Elliot I'll—"

"Dada!"

For a second, three of them freeze, each of them slowly turning to stare at Elliot, as if he all of sudden he'd turned alien that had just landed onto earth and walked into the living. "What did he just say?" Robert asks, slowly, it almost feels like he can't breathe. Elliot's a year, and a little over two months, he should be talking but he  _wasn't._ Robert had tried not to worry, everyone told him not to Aaron included, but Elliot was _his._ He just wanted him to be healthy and happy, to develop along with all the other kids in his class. He didn't think that was too much to ask for.

"Dada!" Elliot repeats, smiling wide and making grabby hands at Robert. 

"Robert," Aaron whispers beside him.

"Right," he says, clearing his throat and blinking back tears. He crosses the room, gently lifting Elliot up, and pressing him close to his chest "that's me," he whispers. 

"I thought you said we were going to be late?"

"No one likes a smart ass Liv."

"Then how come we like you?"

 

 

-

 

 

_Give me a call, I have a serious lead on your brother's whereabouts, I think we've found him._ Received (16:30pm)

 

 

-

 

 

(Eventually they do move in together, Robert gives up his lease on Jacob's fold, just in time for another _Sugden,_ Andy Sugden to be exact to move in (but that's a story for another time). Robert brings out Aaron and his rings, and it's summer when they _finally_ tie the knot officially. They walk out of that courthouse, hand in hand, and never look back.) 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on tumblr: @victoriasugden


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